Damages Done
by AllOverTheWorld
Summary: A/O. When Olivia once again become the victim how does she handle being on the other side of the table? As she recovers she learns how much she loves her team and a certain ADA. Rated T for Safety! CHAPTER 8 IS UP!
1. Found

**Disclaimer: I do not and probably never will own SVU. Sad isn't it? **

**Also...Warning for semi-graphic content. It's not to bad but if you have any problems let me know and I can up the rating. **

**Enjoy :D**

The darkness was threatening yet again to consume her and this time she didn't have the strength to fight it off. She lulled herself into the pain hoping it would all be over soon but knowing it would never end because she would have to live with it for every day of her life. As she once again faded into the darkness she wished to die, to have the pain and humiliation end, but then just as she lost consciousness a face appeared in her mind. A woman with blond hair tied up in that oh so sexy pony tail and shining blue eyes visible behind black framed glasses. That face was, at this moment, the symbol of hope for Detective Olivia Benson.

* * *

Alex Cabot practically ran up the stairs as to the squad room and almost ran into Elliot as she handed him the sheaf of blue and white papers "That's a search warrant for everywhere the bastard's ever taken a breath." She said breathlessly as she tried to curb the ever growing cocktail of fear, pain and dread that was growing in the pit of her stomach.

Elliot had radioed Munch and Fin, who were going to meet him at the warehouse Kevin Shields father had owned but he was about to leave when he noticed the look in her eyes and he put a reassuring hand on her shoulder "Alex. I promise you with every fiber of my being that we will find her." He said and steered her to Olivia's chair "Sit." He said "I'll call you as soon as we find her."

Alex nodded as she put her head down on the desk willing her self to fall asleep but she knew that until Olivia was safe she would not sleep soundly "Alex." The voice of Capitan Cragen startled Alex out of her daze.

"Aren't you going out to the warehouse?" she asked

He nodded slowly "Would you like to come?"He asked, knowing full well what the exhausted ADA would say.

She stood up swayed slightly as the room spun around her but a hand on her back from Cragen helped her keep her balance and she knew that she would need sleep very, very soon. However for the time being her mind was occupied with the nightmares of what could be happening to her Olivia with Kevin Shields.

Moments later Cragen had guided her out of the station and into his police car which was still warm from the day's heat. Alex leaned against the seats as the sirens began to blare, sending cars to the right as they flew by. The leather was so warm, so inviting that for the first time in two days Alex actually dozed off but was awoken by the sound of Cragen blasting the horn at some moron who refused to get right. Then Elliot's voice crackled over the radio "Capitan we've got a visual on Shields but not on Olivia. Do you want us to wait for you to go in?"

Cragen paused "No. We don't know what the bastard has done to Olivia, go in."

Elliot took a breath "Local PD just arrived as back up to we are going in."

Cragen's eyes shifted from the road to the woman sitting in the passenger seat of his car. She was extremely pale and by the looks of the dark circles under her eyes hadn't slept in a few days which didn't surprise him because none of the squad had slept since Olivia had been kidnapped. Her normally flawless hair was in a frizzy and looked unkempt, all signs that pointed out how distressing Alex was finding the kidnapping of her girlfriend.

* * *

Pain.

She hurt everywhere and the dried blood on the side of her face itched like mad but the fact that her hands were cuffed above her head prevented her from doing much of anything. Taking a deep breath Olivia tried to calm her self down but the combination of humiliation and pain that radiated from every bruise and the potentially broken ankle prevented that.

Gunshots.

No, she was going crazy from lack of food and water.

There it was again…Gunshots.

Then an unfamiliar voice spoke "We need a bus! Tow gunshot wounds" there was a pause "to the chest but still conscious. Kevin Shields you are under arrest of the kidnapping of NYPD Detective Olivia Benson. Anything you say can and will be used against you in a court of law. You have the right to an attorney, if you can not afford one, one will be provided for you. Do you understand you rights as I have read them to you."

"Olivia" came the call and she recognized that voice as Elliot's but she couldn't say a word because of the cloth that was shoved in her mouth and the duck tape preventing her from spitting in out.

"Mhhm!" she spluttered trying to make them hear her but to no avail.

"Olivia! Baby Girl!" this time is was Fin's desperate call that reached her ears and tears of desperation streamed down her face as she tried to make them hear her.

"Elliot! Fin!" Munch's call was a lot closer than any of the others, had he found the false wall, ironic if he had "Help me push this side in!" he shouted and sounds of grunting from the three men could be heard.

Suddenly there was a grinding crash and the wall fell inwards revealing the outlines of her three friends, guns at the ready. Fin was the first to reach her, removing his jacket and covering her naked body with it. Tears of relief mixed with the dried blood and sweat that covered her face as Elliot worked on undoing the handcuffs and Munch was about to radio Cragen when his form appeared out of the dust.

As the gag was removed from her mouth she let out a whimper of pain as the cuffs were jerked about as Elliot cursed "Captain I cant get these cuffs undone." He said in frustration "there reinforced with something."

Cragen walked over to look at them and then looked down at Olivia "This is going to hurt." He said and fin obliged her by letting her grab his hand as Cragen lifted the cuffs off of the hook they had been hanging on. More tears streamed down her face as the cuffs cut even deeper into the skin, allowing more blood to trickle down her arms.

"It's okay. You're safe now." Fin muttered, trying to sooth her but suddenly Olivia began to panic. There were so many people in the room now: Elliot, Fin, Munch, Cragen and two EMT's. She couldn't breath and as the EMT's began to attempt to assess the damage their unfamiliar touches sent waves of panic:

"_You should try and enjoy this." Shields whispered as he caressed her cheek "It's the last thing you'll ever do." _

_Tears of fear streamed down her face involuntarily as she heard the sound of a belt being undone and the soft whoosh as his pants fell to the ground. She closed her eyes and willed her self to pass into the abyss as he shoved himself into her again and again. _

Her eyes snapped open and she realized that she had been screaming and kicking, rendering one EMT with a bloody nose. Her breathing was shallow and rapid and some sane part of her brain told her she was going into shock. As she began to gasp for air there was a sudden pressure around her mouth and nose and it instantly became easier to breath. She let the pure oxygen flood her system and she closed her eyes and finally fell into the abyss.

* * *

Alex fought her way through the sea of police officers, pedestrians and press to the ambulance where Munch, Fin, Elliot and Cragen all stood. The momentary joy of knowing that Olivia was safe was quickly replaced by a burning anger as she saw the damage Kevin Shields had caused. Every visible square inch of skin was mottled with bruises ranging from a yellow-ish hue to dark purple and brown. Not only that but her left ankle was swollen and….Alex turned away not able, not wanting, to take in any more of the damage. She leaned into Fin who was momentarily surprised by her presence but wrapped an arm around her shoulder and asked her "You want to ride to the hospital with her?"

Alex nodded jerkily trying to fight back the tears that were threatening to overflow but she accepted Fins help and sat down next to the EMT who closed the door and as the ambulance rolled out of the gravel parking lot. As they sped down to the hospital Alex looked at Olivia wished she had been able to stop all of this from happening. She put her head into her hands and let the tears fall down her face when suddenly a hand touched her knee. Her head snapped up and she saw Olivia's hand resting on her knee and a weak smile on her face as her eyes closed and she faded back into the darkness. Alex gently took her hand and held it silently repeating _I love you Olivia_ over and over again in her mind.

**Hello SVU (also anyone who is a fan of my Burn Notice/NCIS/Bones/In Plain sight stuff and is giving this a try) fic readers! This is my first attempt at an SVU fic so any and all comments/criticism is not only welcome but encouraged. I spent the past few days, well weeks, reading a lot of SVU fics and I discovered I really enjoyed reading Olivia/Alex stories so here I am attempting my own. **

**The gist of this story is that Olivia was kidnapped and raped by Kevin Shields. This fic will deal with how Olivia deals with both the rape and the trial. There will be some ups and downs but Alex will always be her rock to lean on. **

**So ****please ****review and tell me what you think. **

_**AllOverTheWorld**_

**_P.S. For the Readers of Six Years that is still in the works I just thought that it would be a nice balance to have two stories to work on so if I'm stuck on one I can work on the other!_**


	2. Wating

**Just a note: In my world Alex never left but she and Casey work together. **

**Also thank you for all the story alerts/favorite story alerts and the reviews! **

_Broken Ribs. Deep lacerations on forearms and inner thighs. Internal hemorrhaging in the abdomen. Concussion. Broken Ankle. Rape Kit. _Alex's mind was swimming with all of the things she had heard on the way to New York Presbyterian Hospital and those were just the ones she could remember and understand. Currently she sat in the waiting room desperately hoping that the next doctor to walk into the room would tell her that Olivia had survived surgery. However since they had arrived at the ER two hours ago and after the initial x-rays and a rape kit Olivia had been whisked into the OR and Alex hadn't seen or heard about her since.

Looking at her watch for the umpteenth time Alex put her aching head in her hands and took a deep breath as her vision swam before her from sheer exhaustion. Suddenly the doors swung open but instead of the long awaited doctor it was Fin, Elliot and Munch all of whom were drenched from the storm that was taking the city with no mercy. She stood up hoping to get some news of Olivia but Elliot beat her to it "Any news?"

Alex sighed and sat back down as the three men took seats around her removing jackets and hats as they did so "She went into surgery about an hour ago and I haven't heard anything since." Her voice shook a little at the end and she took anther deep breath "Where have you guys been?"

Elliot grimaced and Fin cursed while Munch began to explain "We had to go to Bellevue to check on Shields before we could come here." Said with a tinge of anger in his voice "Unfortunately the bastard survived and he is in surgery as we speak, seems my aim isn't as good as I would like it to be." He added

Alex shook her head because it was unfortunate that Shields had survived because that meant a trial and a trial meant Olivia would have to relive the experiences over and over again. She leaned back against the uncomfortable hospital chair and closed her eyes hoping to be able to have just thirty minutes of rest.

Twenty five minutes later Alex jumped as someone asked for the family of Detective Benson and she stood up, hastily wiping her eyes and adjusting her glasses "That's us." She said

The doctor smiled slightly at the sight of the four of them but didn't badger them for ID's or anything "I'm Dr. Bradley, I'' be Detective Benson's primary doctor while she is at New York Presbyterian. I am pleased to inform you that she is out of surgery and is in the ICU. We had to repair a tear in her abdomen and remove some fragments of rib that were liable to cause more damage in the future. Also she had five stitches on her left forearm from a knife wound and ten on her right arm also from a knife wound. Her ankle was broken and we put a cast on that and" he paused, surveying the group and decided that because the waiting room was empty he could just say it "We had a rape kit done due to the internal and external vaginal damage and we are waiting for her to become conscious again to give her the morning after pill."

Alex thought she was going to throw up, pass out or both but Munch seemed to see this and her put a stabilizing hand on her shoulder as she spoke "Can I, we, go see her?"

The doctor nodded "Sure, l would prefer one at a time but I can make an exception for New York's finest. I will remind you that she is still unconscious but if she does start to wake up just get one of the nurses and they will find me."

They all nodded their agreement and followed in the doctor's wake as he led them towards a row of elevators. They only waited a few moments before a par of stainless steel doors opened and the five of them stepped in. Dr. Bradley pressed the number five button and moments later they were on the ward.

He led them down a long hallway to a private room "We were able to give Detective Benson a private room" he said and pushed the sliding door open. The young doctor watched as the three men paused outside the room allowed the exhausted looking blond to have a moment in the room with the battered looking detective.

A sigh of relief escaped Alex's lips as she saw her brown haired beauty finally safe but an instant later it was replaced with mild horror. Olivia's skin ranged from a yellow-ish color to a dark purple and that was only the parts Alex could see. Her arms were covered with small scratches and the bandages around her wrists covered where, what she presumed were handcuffs, had cut her wrists as she struggled. She had a black eye and even though she was unconscious Alex could see the pain that Olivia was suffering from. At that moment Alex would have done anything to trade places with Olivia just so she wouldn't have to see her suffer like this.

She pulled a chair closer to Olivia's bed and sat down, making herself comfortable, and watched as Munch, Fin and Elliot all entered the room. They all had similar looks of disgust on their faces as they finally got to take in the almost full extent of the damage Shields had caused. Munch, not able to handle it, walked out of the room and Fin followed suit leaving only Elliot and Alex in the room. He turned to her trying to say words but was rendered speechless.

"I know." Alex whispered

"How?" Elliot asked "I've been in SVU for twelve years and I've seen things much worse than this but it still blows my mind that someone could do this to another human being?" Alex nodded, not trusting herself to speak "The DA is never going to let you try her case, you know that right?" he asked looking at her.

Alex nodded again "I'm not but Casey is." She said and a small smile flickered across her lips "Plus with the evidence and" she paused already thinking about how difficult the trial would be for Olivia "Eyewitness testimony we can charge him with Ellie Donovan's rape and murder as well as Olivia's along with a slew of lesser charges including impersonating a police officer, grand theft, breaking and entering." She reached down and pulled out a pad of paper that had a long list of things written on it.

Elliot's confused look brought a smile to her face "It's everything we can charge him with. When I was by myself in my office or at the precinct while you guys were looking it was the only way I could keep my mind off of what may or may not have been happening to Olivia."

"Such a lawyer thing." Elliot said a smile on his face "I an assume you wont be leaving anytime soon?"

She nodded "I think I could sleep through an earthquake at this point but I'm staying here tonight and Judge Donnelly gave me Friday plus the rest of the weekend off."

"I have to go and let Kathy and the kids know Olivia's safe but let me know if anything happens." He said

Alex nodded and leaned her head against the side of Olivia's hospital bed and while it wasn't the most comfortable thing in the world at that moment Alex Cabot didn't care because her love was safe and for the time being all was well.

* * *

_His hands touched her everywhere, sometimes soft caresses but mostly just cruel punches or slaps. She fought back as much as she could but that only made him angrier and after she landed a well placed kicked in his groin he twisted her ankle until there was a crunch and a spike of pain radiated from her ankle "Well you can deal with the punishment!" he said with humor and pleasure in his voice. _

"No, no, no" she whimpered and her eyes snapped open and panic began to fill her, where was she? A hand on her own made her jump a mile and she turned ready for a fight but her own terrified brown eyes met the crystal blue of Alex's and she calmed down instantly. She didn't know what it was but Olivia knew that if it had been Elliot, Fin or any other of the men in her squad she would not have calmed down like she just had.

Moments before Alex had been sleeping somewhat peacefully but she had instantly woken up when the soft whimpers of no had turned into moans. She looked up and saw tears streaming down Olivia's face and her hands, which had previously been relaxed, were now clenched into tight fists. She reached out and without thinking placed a hand over Olivia's fist. It killed her to watch Olivia jump in fright at her contact but Alex knew it was part of the process. As Olivia's eyes met her own she saw something change slightly in her eyes and she seemed to relax slightly.

Olivia closed her eyes and leaned back against the pillow trying to relax but with her eyes closed she saw his face leering out of the darkest corners of her mind. She felt his breath on the back of her neck as he grabbed her hair and pulled her onto him. She felt dirty, violated and embarrassed that she hadn't been able to fight him off in the first place.

_What could I have done? _She wondered to herself _He had broken into Alex's apartment where he knew I stayed and had a gun to her head. I had to go with him._ She concluded finally.

Once again she turned to Alex and for the first time in two she spoke to the one person who had kept her going "How did you find me?" her voice was raspy and harsh, punished from the screaming she had done in the warehouse.

Alex inwardly flinched at the sound of Olivia's voice, how raspy it sounded and she shuddered to think what had caused her to loose it "Well Cragen had half of the NYPD looking for you so once we kicked down the door to his apartment, childhood home and offices we were running out of options. Fin was the one who decided to start looking at what his father owned. Turns out there was only one place on that hadn't been sold yet."

"The warehouse." Olivia whispered

Alex nodded "I had to wake up a judge to get the signature on the search warrant but it wasn't hard to get them to sign. Turns out you're well liked in the court house."

A small smile tugged at the edges of Olivia's lips but it faded immediately when there was a knock on the door and Dr. Bradley came in. He smiled at Alex then turned to Olivia "How do you feel?" he asked

Olivia stared at him for a moment, was he really asking her that question? Currently she wanted nothing more than to tell him to look at her and let him figure out how she felt but honest answers would mean she could get out of the hospital faster "I'm exhausted." Was the first thing she said and it was the most honest because over the past few days she hadn't done a lot of sleeping "I ache all over and my head feels like elephants are using my brain as a stomping ground." She decided that this was not the time to mention her fear of sleeping.

Dr. Bradley sighed and nodded "It's to be expected after what you went through. I can up your dosage of Morphine which will make you drowsy but first I have to get your consent to take some blood and give you a liquid injection equivalent of the morning after pill."

Without hesitation Olivia nodded even thought the M.E. had told both Elliot and her that Kevin Shields was STD free. As for the morning after pill she wasn't ready for a child yet and even though she was a child of rape she didn't think she could have the constant reminder of the past two days. "Alrighty then, the nurse will be right in with the morphine and the morning after injection."

Olivia nodded again and leaned back into the pillow, turning to look at Alex who seemed to know what she was thinking "I'm not going anywhere. After all there's no place I'd rather be than with you right now." And with those words in mind Olivia hesitantly closed her eyes hoping to get a least half an hour of undisturbed and nightmare free sleep.

* * *

**Hey! Thank you once again for all the amazing reviews and story/favorite alerts, they really do make my day! I had a lot of trouble getting this chapter to 'feel' right but I'm pleased with how it turned out. I hope you enjoy this chapter as much as the last one. **

**REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW **

**Please? **

**How about for every review you give me I'll hunt down one of your stories and read+revies it? See! It's a win-win situation!**

_**AllOverTheWorld**_


	3. Refusal

**Wow! I love you guys! All the amazing reviews defiantly make me want to keep writing so here it is: Chapter Three. **

* * *

The steam curled around Alex's body like a fog as she stepped out of the shower and on to the bath mat, letting the water drip off her skin as she rubbed her legs with a towel. Her actions were rushed as she wanted to get back to the hospital before Olivia woke up again. As Alex walked out of the bedroom with a damp towel wrapped around her body her mind flashed back to four days prior:

"_Liv?" Alex asked as she walked out of the bathroom, she had heard the front door open as she had stepped out of the shower and she assumed that it was Olivia. How wrong she was. She quickly changed into a pair of sweatpants and a hoodie and called out again "Olivia?" _

_No answer. Then there was the creaking of footsteps as someone walked towards the bedroom door and it wasn't Olivia. Alex froze, Olivia kept a gun in her bedside drawer and Alex had learned how to use one when she was sixteen. She started to walk to the other side of the bed but before she could get there the door swung open and a brown haired man walked in, she recognized him as Kevin Shields and he was pointing a gun at her head. _

"_Alex Cabot." He said with a smile "What an unexpected surprise." and he gestured with his gun "Come here." _

_Blood was pounding in Alex's ears but she was in no position to argue so she approached him and shuddered as her deftly wrapped one arm around her neck and pressed the gun into her temple "Walk forward." He commanded and she complied as they walked down the hallway and into the kitchen, where he pulled a dining room chair and forced Alex to sit in. Still holding the gun to her head he pulled out a pair of cuffs and wove them in between the bars of the back of the chair locking her hands there. _

_It was only about five minutes before Alex heard the sound of a key turning in the lock and she closed her eyes. "Alex." Olivia said, her voice sounding tired but happy to be home but her expression changed as she registered what was going on in the kitchen. _

_Alex watched as Olivia's hand twitched towards her gun but suddenly Kevin grabbed a small fistful of Alex's hair and pressed the barrel of the gun into her temple "Unless you want your girlfriend's brains on your fridge I wouldn't do that." _

_Olivia nodded and raised her hands into the air, her eyes not leaving Alex's. Swiftly, Shields moved from behind Alex to Olivia and grabbed Olivia's arm forcing her out of the apartment. Alex could only watch as Kevin flashed a cruel smile and pulled the door shut behind him. _

_Alex sat for a minute trying not to cry as the sudden emptiness of the apartment surrounded her then she realized what danger Olivia was in. She tried to think rationally but Shield's had ripped the phone out of the wall and as she looked around for her cell phone she it in perfect form except for the battery was missing. Her only hope was the phone in the living room which was barely visible behind the bookcase. _

_Alex stood up and struggled to find a way to move with chair but after a moment she was able to half drag, half carry the chair to the living room. She finally reached the phone and had to bed over the chair awkwardly to speak into the microphone. Her fingers danced across the number pad as she dialed a number she had memorized ages ago the familiar sound of Elliot's voice helped calm her, but not for long "Stabler."_

"_Elliot." She said her voice shaking slightly as she fought off tears. _

"_Alex? Is everything okay?" he asked the concern clear in his voice "Is Olivia okay?" _

"_Sh-Shields came and-and-and" she stuttered but she took a deep breath and forced herself to calm down "and he kidnapped Olivia at gunpoint. I couldn't stop him, he cuffed me to a chair" she finished breathlessly _

"_I'll be right over." Elliot said but he didn't hang up, he didn't hang up until he had entered the apartment and reached Alex. _

_He pulled out a key and tried to undo the handcuffs but it didn't fit "They're reinforced with something." He muttered "We'll have to wait for backup to arrive." _

Alex snapped out of the memory and sat down on the bed, as she did so she realized she was shaking slightly. A humorless laugh rose in her throat _Olivia has been beaten and raped and I'm the one shaking._ She shook her head and walked over to her wardrobe where she pulled out a pair of jeans and a tank top which she quickly put on and headed out of the bedroom. She considered grabbing something to eat from the fridge but the fear that she might break her promise to Olivia was more than enough to make Alex skip lunch.

Twenty minutes after she left her apartment Alex was banging her head against the steering wheel as she was caught in Saturday afternoon traffic. She lacked a cell phone with a battery to call the hospital and the guilt was quickly rising in her chest as she was sure that Olivia would wake up alone. Finally, after using all of her extensive knowledge of New York's shortcuts she managed to arrive at the hospital.

After getting a visitors wristband that would allow her unlimited access to the fifth floor she headed over to the bank of elevators. As the doors pinged open she stepped out into the relative silence she took a left and walked down the long hallway. As she approached Olivia's room the nurse exiting grabbed her arm "Detective Benson's doesn't want any visitors."

_Doesn't want visitors?_ Alex thought and she let her confusion show "What do you mean? I was just here like" she paused to look at her watch "two hours ago."

The nurse shrugged "It's what she requested."

Alex was dumbfounded, hurt but most of all confused she turned and looked into the room through the small sliver of space and saw Olivia staring at her the teas shining in her eyes. Alex turned away from the room and walked slowly down the hallway in a daze. She managed to make it to her car before she broke down, the tears tolling down her pale skin.

She drove aimlessly around New York for an hour or so, watching as people laughed and enjoyed the beautiful day. Finally Alex pulled up to a place that she didn't even know she was driving to until she pulled into a parking space. She walked up the stairs into the squad room, nodding at some of the cops that smiled at her. Elliot was the first person to notice and his expression changed from a pleasant smile to a nervous frown "What's wrong?" he asked and instantly Munch, Fin and Cragen were surrounding her.

She took a deep breath "Olivia's refusing visitors." She said finally and noticed the unanimous sighs of relief that her male companions released.

"Why?" Munch asked

Alex shrugged "They didn't say."

Elliot smirked "I think give you a pretty good idea." And everyone turned to him a mixture of surprise and interest in their faces "She's probably embarrassed that she allowed herself to get taken by Shields and feels that we now all think she is weak. She is probably thinking that by cutting us all off we won't have the change to judge her."

Alex sighed "He had me at gunpoint, if anything I should feel responsible."

"For what" Cragen began "not getting shot in the head? I shudder to think about how Olivia would haven taken your murder." And there was a murmur of agreement.

"You guys mind if I join the party?" a voice asked from the elevator and they all turned to see Casey Novak walking over towards them.

"Only if you here to tell us that you're the new ADA for the Shield's case." Munch said

Casey grinned "Well then I come with good news, I am the new ADA for the case. I need to get both Shield's and Olivia's statements and seeing as I can't get them myself I need one of you to come with me."

"Good luck with that." Alex muttered and Casey turned to her confused, so Alex explained "Olivia is not allowing visitors."

"Well she can't ban the police from her room and I need that statement plus" and she turned to Cragen "I need to know what you want to charge Shields with. "

Cragen nodded "I'll come with you and I want you three" indicating Munch, Fin and Elliot "to get all the evidence together for the Shields and write up your reports." He then turned to Alex "Go home. Get some sleep and good meal in you. Two nights on a hospital pull out chair did not give you enough rest."

She opened her mouth to tell Cragen he had no right to order her around but he saw this and pulled Alex closer to him "I can't order you around but I can tell you that it would do you a world of good if you get some rest and proper food. I'm sure you want to get your locks changed and get a new phone so go do that." She nodded and with that they all dispersed to do their separate tasks.

* * *

**Saturday Morning: **

Olivia sat bolt up right her breath coming in ragged gasps as sweat poured down her face. She collapsed back down on the pillow trying to ignore the echoes of _"Try that again and I'll kill your girlfriend." _And _"You know you like it so why not say it?"_

She could feel his hands rubbing her back and shoulders and she felt dirty. Looking around the hospital room she noticed Alex had gone and a sense of shame filled her. _She's probably embarrassed to be my girlfriend right now. I couldn't even save her from Shields. She knows what happened to me and she probably thinks I'm weak, that's why she left. _With those thoughts in her heart tears filled Olivia's eyes as she was consumed by a sense of weakness.

No one would want to be near her now, no one would want to touch her or love her. Alex would never love her again, she was contaminated. Some part of Olivia told her that this was all lies, that was the part of her that had seen countless victims go through the same process and she would be the one to tell them it was untrue. However now being the victim was strange, she felt like all the things she had told her victims was complete bullshit, Alex's absence was proof of that.

There was a knock on her door and Dr. Bradley came in, a smile adorning his face "How do you feel?" he asked

"I barely got any sleep." She muttered "Everything hurts."

He nodded as if these answers didn't surprise him "That's to be expected. We rushed the blood tests and you'll be pleased to know you're clean."

_Hardly._ Olivia thought, in fact she felt far from clean "That's good." She said and then added "I don't want any visitors, no one."

Dr. Bradley nodded again "That's understandable but whatever you're thinking is not true. From what I know about the situation there was nothing you could do to alter what would have happened. Don't forget there are a whole group of people who are nothing but happy to see that you are alive and safe again."

_Oh yea? So where are they now?_ Is what Olivia thought but instead she simply said "I understand I just want some time alone."

The doctor nodded "If that's your wish but please remember that there are people who care about you." And he walked out closing the door behind him and with that Olivia fell into an uneasy and nightmare filled sleep.

Two hours later she woke up sweating and crying but luckily without the screaming, _this time anyway_, she thought. As she wiped her eyes with one bruised hand Olivia looked around her and saw those blue eyes and that blond hair so perfectly straightened looking in at her, confusion etched onto the pale face. Olivia stared for a moment before turning her head away, she didn't want anyone, especially Alex to see her so weak and vulnerable.

Olivia decided against trying to get any more sleep so she grabbed one of the books the hospital had provided. It managed to occupy her mind for about ten minutes before she got bored and flipped through the T.V.'s hundreds of channels. Finally after finding nothing of interest on the television she worked up the courage to ask a nurse if she could take a shower. To her surprise she the nurse said yes, she was allowed but it would be tricky with her cast.

Over the next two hours Olivia took a second shower but no matter how long she sat under the steaming stream or how hard she scrubbed her bruised skin she always stepped out of the shower feeling contaminated.

Shortly after the second shower Dr. Bradley stepped into her room again and said "The police are here to collect your statement."

Olivia rolled her eyes "I am the police."

The doctor shrugged and stepped out to let two people enter her room, ADA Casey Novak and Captain Cragen. She frowned at the presence of them both but Casey didn't let that deter her "I know this is going to be hard but I need to get the full account of what happened with Shields" she looked at the battered detective but didn't let any of the thoughts she was thinking show on her face. Olivia was already in a bad mood and she would prefer to have this go smoothly, well as smoothly as possible "As much as you can remember." She added

Olivia just stared at a spot somewhere above Casey's head not acknowledging anything that the ADA had said and that's when Cragen spoke up "I need some coffee, I'll be back later."

Casey and Olivia watched as the Capitan left then Casey turned back to Olivia "I just need to know what happened and you know I wouldn't ask if I didn't need it for the trial."

Olivia nodded, _this was for the trail_, she reminded herself, _to put Shields away_. She took a deep breath and said "Fine. Where do you want me to begin?"

Casey was pleased that she was starting without a fight "How about when you arrived at your apartment?"

Olivia nodded "I pulled out my keys and…."

* * *

**So, sort of a cliffhanger but not really I suppose. Anyway I have an urgent question for all my readers: **

**How do you want Olivia's statement? Your options are: All at once, about half of the next chapter would be her statement OR I can save the statement for the trial and just start the next chapter with the end of Olivia's statement OR I can give you bits and pieces of the statement alternating with some other stuff…its up to you! **

_**AllOverTheWorld**_


	4. I don't care

**I dont own anything...so sad...so true. **

**I introduce: Chapter Four!**

"_It had been a long day and even though the case wasn't over yet Cragen had sent both Elliot and I home for the evening. I pulled my keys out and after a moment of fumbling I managed to pull the right key out and open the door. I hadn't noticed anything strange, like no scratch marks or other signs of forced entry, so I called out to Alex. As I stepped across the threshold that's when I saw Shield because he had Alex cuffed to a chair and a gun pressed to her temple. I started to reach for my gun but he told me that unless I wanted my girlfriend's brains all over the fridge I wouldn't do that. So I put my hands in the air and he walked and grabbed my arm, but the gun was still pointed at Alex. _

_He forced me out of the door and out of the apartment building except he went out the back so the doorman wouldn't see us. Out back was a white van with the back doors wide up. He told me to climb in so I did and he climbed in after me. There was a moment where the gun wasn't pointed at me as he climbed in so I lunged at him. I managed to land a few blows before he wacked me over the head with the gun. He threw me done and cuffed my hands to some loop on the floor and then"_ the voice on the tape recorder cracked and Casey paused it momentarily.

"Olivia was not pleased when I told her that you were going to have to hear this." Casey said her face grim.

"That's to be expected but she must have known I would have read it, I am her captain." Cragen said "How is she?"

Casey sighed "I would say I've seen worse but honestly this goes in the top two. You saw how battered she is but that's not the worst of it. It took me three hours to get her total statement and she jumps at everything. It's horrible to see her so…" she trailed off not sure what to say.

"Vulnerable." Cragen said, finishing her statement for her "That's one of the things about Olivia, she tries so hard to be one of the guys that as Elliot said, she thinks we are all judging her for not being able to escape from him."

"No one's judging her though." Casey said, confused.

"That's not the point. It doesn't matter that we all know that there was nothing she could do, not with Shields pointing a gun at Alex. What matters to her is that she has been working with mostly male cops for years and she has worked hard to get where she is, she thinks that this has destroyed all of that."

Casey nodded "Do you want to hear the rest of the tape?"

Cragen sighed "I'd really rather not but I think it's important I know what happened, at least part of the story. I'll ask Olivia to tell me later, much later."

Casey reached out and pressed the play button and Olivia's trembling voice filled the office "_he was on top of me but he whispered in my ear and told me that if I did that again he'd kill my girlfriend. He said that he wanted to do it now but we needed to get away before the cops come. He climbed out from the back and went to the front and started driving. I tried to keep track of the lefts and the rights but we made so many." _the voice was barely a whisper, both Cragen and Casey had to strain to hear what she was saying _"We drove for ages, it seemed like hours, then we stopped and he opened the back doors. There was this twisted smile on his face and he pulled off his shirt and there was this tattoo across his chest, names. I asked him what they were and he said they were all the woman he owns. He said mine was next. Then he undid the belt and said he's wanted to do this for a long time. Then he pulled his pants down and….."_the voice trailed off and Casey stopped it.

A swell of anger crossed Cragen's face and he made no attempt to hide it "What can we nail the bastard for?"

"I can bust him for both the previous rape and murder plus kidnapping and raping a police officer plus conspiracy to murder an ADA. However if you can get me evidence that links him to the names on his chest, or a confession, I can file for the death penalty." Casey said "Do you want to hear the rest of just read her written report?"

Cragen sighed and thought for a moment "Might as well get this over with."

Casey nodded and pressed the play button _"he raped me. I tried to stop him but there was nothing I could do, he had a gun._"

It sounded like Olivia was pleading with Casey not to think that she was weak, more evidence to back up Elliot's theory_ "He forced me to walk into the warehouse and he took me to the back room, the one behind the wall. He cuffed my hands above my head and did it again and again."_

This time it was Cragen who paused the tape a look of disgust on his face and as he spoke Casey could hear the anger he was keeping under control "It really is amazing how far the depravity of a single human being can destroy so many lives."

"It's sad." Casey agreed "The only good thing is that Kevin Shields will pay for what he has done, that I can promise you." She said looking directly into the Capitan's eyes.

Cragen agreed "I wouldn't have any other DA on this case." He said and smiled solemnly.

* * *

Alex woke up feeling quite refreshed and all together much better than she had when she had collapsed on her bed four hours ago. She had arrived back at her apartment at around eleven thirty after making a few stops that included a new phone battery and a new set of landlines for the apartment. After making a hasty lunch, which consisted of a turkey sandwich and some ships, she meandered into her bedroom and collapsed onto the bed. Now, after four hours of a dreamless sleep, Alex felt ready to go and talk to Olivia.

In fact Alex didn't care if Olivia wanted visitors or not because nothing that could happen or anything she could ever say would change how she felt about Olivia. Grabbing a water bottle and a couple case files she was currently working on, Alex headed out to the hospital. As she drove to the hospital she contemplated everything that had happened in the past five days. First, she had had a gun pointed at her head and then watched as her girlfriend was kidnapped by a serial rapist/murderer. She spent two days trying to help the police find her girlfriend, using just about every favor she had left but it didn't matter. She would have done anything to save Olivia, even if it meant going after Shields herself, no matter how foolish it was.

After another round with New York traffic Alex arrived at the hospital and when she arrived at the fifth floor she was again stopped by a nurse who told her that Olivia wasn't taking any visitors. Alex rolled her eyes and turned to face the nurse "I am…" she began, trying to find way into Olivia's room but realizing she had no legal way into her room "Look, I know why she doesn't want to let visitors in and I just need to see her" and after a pointed look form the nurse she added "and if she starts getting distressed then I will leave, I promise."

The nurse considered for a moment then nodded "It would do the detective some good to have some company." And with that she walked down the hall to check on her other patients.

Alex approached the door and wasn't surprised when she saw Olivia staring at her but she didn't care so she slid the sliding door open and walked inside. To her surprise Olivia didn't say anything instead she just watched as Alex walked in with that familiar 'I've-made-up-my-mind-and-you-can-not-stop-me-whatever-you-do' look that had won her so many cases and sat down in a chair next to Olivia's bed.

"How are you feeling?" Alex asked causally

Olivia ignored her.

"Fine." Alex said and pulled out a case file along with a sheaf of papers that were her case notes. She studied them seriously and was soon absorbed in her case as she tried to find out how to win.

Olivia however was not so easily absorbed in her own book and she couldn't figure out why Alex was here. She had already left her once and now she was back and there was nothing Olivia could do about it. Except she didn't mind it. Unlike when she had been kidnapped and had absolutely no choice in what was going on but this was different. She was completely aware that if Alex thought Olivia didn't really want her there than she would leave.

"You left." Olivia said quietly and Alex looked up but didn't speak "I woke up alone." She said even quieter.

Alex nodded.

"Say something." Olivia snapped.

"What do you want me to say? I left because I had to shower and change, not because I was ashamed of what happened. If you hadn't gone with him he would have shot me and kidnapped you anyway, you saved my life, how can I be ashamed of that?"

Olivia pondered this "I should have fought back."

"You have stab wounds on both of your forearms from where he punished you when you fought back and under your nails the ER nurse took a crap load of skin cells that didn't belong to you. As far as defensive wounds go I think you make the top ten list."

A small smile flickered across Olivia's face but it soon vanished as "I couldn't stop him. I tried, I really did but he had a gun and a knife and my hands were cuffed above my head." Suddenly tumbled out of her mouth before she could stop them "Everyone's go to think I'm so weak." She said so quietly Alex almost didn't hear it but she did.

Alex wanted to stand up and crawl into the bed with Olivia and hold her but she knew that what Olivia need is space so instead she shook her head "Olivia Benson. No one thinks you are weak, in fact everyone is simple glad you are alive."

Olivia shook her head in denial "I allowed a suspect to kidnap from my own home, I should have seen it coming."

Alex couldn't help but snort "Everyone should have seen it coming, Wong has drunk himself into a stupor because he blames himself. Elliot didn't sleep until he found you, not to mention Cragen had every available NYPD body under his command. Munch and Fin hunted down every lead they found including some that a four year old could tell you were wrong."

"Why aren't you embarrassed?"

Alex looked dumbfounded "Olivia, what is there to be embarrassed about?" She decided that the only way Olivia would understand is to talk her through it, like a court case.

Anger rose through Olivia "What don't you get? I was kidnapped and raped by a psychopath and there was nothing I could do to stop him. Even when I fought back I was too weak."

"Why do you think I should be embarrassed?"

"I couldn't fight back. Anyone else on the squad could have taken him down in a second but I was too weak."

Alex shook her head "If Shields had put a gun to Kathy's head what would Elliot have done? Or Ken, what would Fin have done? No one is embarrassed that you didn't escape because there are all the signs that you tried hard a hell."

Olivia shook her head as the tears rose to her eyes "I should have-" she trialed off

"Please, Olivia listen to me." Alex started but Olivia interrupted her

"I feel dirty all the time. Every time someone knocks on the door or speaks to loud I jump a mile or when the doctor dropped the stethoscope on the floor I punched him in the gut. Tell me I can't be embarrassed about that?"

Alex thought about to say what she was thinking for a moment then spoke "You can feel however you want but don't feel like you have to get through it alone."

Olivia turned and looked at her girlfriend, how had she gotten so lucky? Even after all of what had happened, when most people would have up and left her by now she remained stubbornly by her side, refusing to let her go through this alone.

"Olivia, I want to be there for you, please don't push me away."

Olivia nodded "As long as you know what you're getting into."

Alex laughed "I've been dealing with SVU cases for while now, I know exactly what I'm getting into and I don't care."

* * *

**Okay so listen up people..I got a grand total of three reviews the last chapter and while I loved all of them I would love even more. This is my first attempt at a multi-chapter fic and I really really would appreciate anything you have to tell me. I don't want to beg but if I have to I will because I really want to explore the relationship Alex and Olivia have with a slight focus on Alex. So, now that I am done giving my little speech please review! **

_**AllOverTheWorld**_


	5. Fake

**Just a little timeline for you guys:**

**Tuesday evening- Kidnapped by Shields**

**Thursday evening-Found by NYPD**

**Saturday afternoon- Alex and Olivia talk**

Monday Morning:

Alex's eyes snapped open and she looked around at her surroundings, taking a moment to calm down, before she glanced at Olivia (checking to make sure she hadn't been disturbed) and walked out of the room. Her breath came in short, ragged breaths and she absentmindedly fingered the spot where the barrel of the gun had pressed so hard into her temple it had bruised. The quite hallway of the hospital, combined with the steady beeping of the machines from Olivia's room helped Alex settle down. The bruise wasn't the only reminder she had of how close she had come to death, there were nightmares as well and it was those that had driven her into the hallway.

The memories were so clear, every detail vividly remembered and used against her in her sleep. She could feel his pulse racing when his arm was wrapped around her neck and she remembered thinking that he loved every minute of this, every second of her terror. His voice echoed in her head and intruded on her thoughts like a parasite, slowing eating away at its victim until it consumed them. Alex shook her head defiantly at that thought, she would not become consumed by him. He was locked to a hospital bed miles across New York and couldn't hurt her or more importantly, Olivia ever again, at least not physically.

Alex had seen what rape does to people first hand over the year and she knew that the road to recovery much resembled traffic on a Saturday afternoon in New York, slow going and aggravating. She was prepared to help Olivia through every step of this, not allowing her to feel that she was ever alone while allowing her to regain the control and confidence Kevin Shields had stolen from her.

"Ma'am, can I help you?"

The voice was so unexpected that it made Alex jump and her look around wildly for the source of the noise before realizing it was only one of the night nurses "Yes, sorry, I'm fine." She said hastily, embarrassed at her own reaction.

The nurse nodded unconvinced but satisfied that Alex was no threat to herself or any of the patients and walked into Olivia's room, Alex following in her wake. As the ADA made herself comfortable once again in the pull out chair the nurse took Olivia's blood pressure and changed over her IV bags, which were giving her broad spectrum antibiotics to ward off any and all infections she might have received from her stay in the warehouse. As the nurse adjusted the blood pressure cuff around Olivia's upper arm and the pressure began to build Olivia began to whimper "No, please, don't, please don't." as she was no doubt envisioning one or two of the many horrors inflicted upon her so Alex slowly reached out and gently grabbed Olivia's hand and she seemed to calm down at the familiar touch.

Hours later, as the sun was rising over the awakening city, a sudden vibration at Alex's feet jolted her out of the light slumber she had been enjoying. She groggily reached down blindly for her phone and grabbed it just as the vibrating stopped. Cursing silently Alex pressed the redial button and walked out into the hallway just as the familiar sound of Munch's voice answered the phone "Munch." He said

"There'd better be a good reason why you woke me up at" she paused to check her watch "five thirty in the morning."

"There is. Kevin Shields was escorted out of the hospital at five o seven am by someone impersonating a police officer and now he is no where to be seen."

It felt like a bomb went off. Alex head began to spin and her breath came in sharp gasps, she wasn't worried about her own safety but Olivia's. Sure, Olivia could throw a mean punch and was deadly with a gun but having a broke ankle kid of puts a dent in any kind of reasonable fighting. She sank back against the wall and took a deep breath determined to stay calm "Have you identified the person who escorted him."

"Yes, his name is Harvey Lent, he and Shields went to grad school together. We checked him out earlier in the case but figured he wasn't connected."

"You missed that one." Alex said

"No kidding. Look, Fin and Elliot are on their way to the hospital right now and we told them not to let anyone up onto the fifth floor. I need you to stay in Olivia's room until they get there and when they do, you need to tell her what happened. Hopefully we'll have the SOB before noon."

Alex wanted to know what leads they had but she knew that because she was a victim and not the ADA, Munch would not, legally, be able to tell her anything "Okay." She said and stood up, using the wall as support as she walked back into Olivia's room "Talk to you later." She said as she hung up the phone.

"Who was that?" Olivia asked sleepily, the sound of Alex leaving the room had woken her, that and another nightmare but Alex didn't need to know about that, not yet.

Alex dodged the question by asking one of her own "Did I wake you?" she asked, noting the sheen of sweat the covered Olivia's brow and the slight tremble in her voice as she spoke again.

"No, you didn't, you're avoiding the question. Who was that?" she asked again

"Munch." Alex said and took a deep breath, she had been hoping to tell her this after Elliot and Fin had arrived but as always Olivia got right to the point "Look, Liv there's no easy way to say this but Kevin Shields is MIA."

"What?" Olivia said quietly, hoping that this was some kind of sick joke "How?" she said trying not to let the bile rise up in her stomach and her throat.

"Harvey Lent dressed as a police officer and escorted him out."

Olivia couldn't speak. She couldn't breath. The world was spinning around her. The relative safety the hospital had provided was shattered. Shields could come back for her and this time he would finish the job. She tried to take a deep breath but it wouldn't come. She could feel his hands around her neck, choking the life out of her back in the warehouse. She could feel him inside of her, laughing at her struggle against him.

Somewhere, out of the warehouse, she heard someone calling for a nurse and the voice was so familiar, so comforting. Alex. No, no, she could see his face in the darkness as he sat and watched her struggle against the cuffs, laughing as she cried out every time they sliced into her skin. His fingers danced over her skin, every touch contaminating her and then the blackness surrounded her.

* * *

**Uh-Oh! We have a problem don't we? Where is Kevin Shields? Thank-you so much for all the amazing reviews! I'm glad that you guys like my story so much :D Anyway, my question for the chapter is: **

**Group A: Olivia and Alex **

**Group B: Elliot, Munch, Fin and Cragen **

**Choose a group, hehehehe, I have plans for which every group gets the most 'votes'. **

**I know this isnt as long as the others but I wanted to give you guys a chapter today and one tomorrow because after that school starts and it will probably come down to a chapter or two a week. **

**As always: Thank you for all the reviews and support, much more out be appreciated. **

_**AllOverTheWorld**_


	6. Lamp

**The fact that group A won is about as shocking as the fact that I don't own SVU.**

* * *

Alex was fuming. She hadn't been this angry since the last time she was in court. That was something she loved about being in court when she entered the zone nothing else was relevant besides the facts at hand (Well that and the law). She liked to think that it was her ability to block out her own feelings along with other irrelevancies that made her one of the best ADA's in New York City. However she wasn't in a court room, in fact she was about as far from the court room as she could get at the moment, she was at the hospital.

Her blue eyes followed Elliot as he was walked out of the hospital room and not by choice either, Fin was practically pushing him out of the door. After he had left Alex turned angrily to Fin "Who the hell does he think he is? I told her as gently as I could but how was she supposed to react when she found out her rapist and kidnapper is on the loose?" she hissed "How was I supposed to break it to her 'Hey Olivia guess what that guy that put you in the hospital, yea well he's on the loose.'"

Fin put his hands in the air "Alex, take a breath. Think about it, Elliot's just as wound up right now and you can't blame him. Just listen to me for a sec. Elliot and Olivia's relationship is beyond anything that you or I can even understand and they know each other better then they know themselves. When Elliot found out Olivia was missing, man, it was scary."

Alex snorted "Yeah and? Look, as of right now there's a missing psychopath that more than likely wants to kill both Olivia and I and all Elliot can say to me is something along the lines of 'wow, you cant even take care of your own girlfriend.'"

Fin had to admit that Alex did have a point, then again she was a lawyer and it was her job to make people (or the jury) understand how she felt. He was just about to say something when Elliot reentered the room "Munch just called me. Grand Central just let Harvey Lent and a unidentified man getting on to the subway, they put the train on a delay. We have to get to the next stop, now." He said and turned out of the room.

"Hold on." Fin said and followed Elliot out of the room "Elliot, some one should some stay here and based on the fireworks going on between you and Alex I think I'll volunteer." He said as they walked down the hall towards the elevator

Elliot nodded "Fine, keep your phone on." And he entered the elevator.

"No shit." Fin muttered and turned around just in time to see a janitor look both before entering the hospital room he had just vacated.

The face was painfully familiar and it made Fin's heart stop, Kevin Shields. He reached out and pulled out his gun but as he ran down the hall he saw the door being pulled shut and the blinds being pulled down, that took out his option of shooting Shields. If he was going to shoot it would be blind.

Inside the room Alex looked up at the sound of the door being closed expecting to see Fin not Kevin Shields dressed in a janitor's uniform. She instinctively reached for her phone but Shields shook his head "I wouldn't do that. I'd rather not end the game so early."

She nodded and put her hands in the air "Why are you here?" she asked slowly, even though she was ninety nine percent sure she already knew the reason. Alex knew she was going to have to talk her way out of getting both herself and Olivia killed.

"Come on Alex, I know you're a smart girl. Let's see if you can figure it out."

Alex thought, not about the reason why he was here, but what she was going to do. She was unarmed with a now stirring Olivia and the last thing the current situation needed was a panicking Olivia to stress the situation. She looked beyond Shields and out of the room and saw two sets of legs outside, probably Fin and Elliot.

Shields sighed "Seems that the rumors are false, shame" he said and shook his head "Do you want me to tell you?"

Alex shook her head "No." she glared at him "You've never left a living witness, let alone two."

Shields eyes lit up with delight and malice as she spoke "Exactly." He said and his voice was barely above a whisper and he took a step closer towards her, the gun pointed at her chest.

She saw his finger twitch towards the trigger and she knew that it was only seconds before she would get shot and there was nothing she could do. Then two things happened at once: First the room darkened and there was a grunt as Shields went down followed by a shattering sound as the lamp from Olivia's bedside table and the sound of a shot being fired. Second the door was shoved open and both Elliot and Fin stepped in, guns blazing.

Alex threw herself to the floor at the sound of the gun being fired and watched as both Elliot and Fin stormed in "You alright?" Elliot asked looking at her and she nodded, after checking herself over and standing up.

She turned and looked at Olivia who was breath heavily and staring at her "You're okay." Alex said at once "You saved my life, again."

Olivia nodded and a smile appeared on her face as Fin checked the unconscious Shields "We're gunna need a nurse." He said and called out into the hallway, which was swarming with nurses and hospital security.

A nurse walked into the room and reached down for a pulse "I haven't got a pulse!" she called out and immediately two nurses entered the room with a crash cart "Clear!" she called out and Fin, Elliot, Alex and Olivia watched as Shields unconscious body was lifted off the ground.

"I've got a pulse" the nurse called out and a gurney was rolled in.

Five minutes later the room was silent as all the nurses left, leaving Elliot, Alex and Olivia alone in the room. Olivia looked at Alex, who looked shaken but alright, she however was not alright. She had woken up to see Shields pointing a gun at Alex, again. She had waited for the right moment, or rather when she saw Shields finger twitch towards the trigger she grabbed the lamp and threw it at him. The sight of seeing her rapist, free, and armed scared the crap out of her. She tried to fight off the memories of his touch, his feel of him inside her, not to mention the slaps, punches, kicks and all the rest of it. Somehow she managed to fight it off, temporarily anyway, and throw the lamp at him.

Now however, even though Shields was gone from the room, the memories were flooding back. It was like when she had a purpose to fight them off she could hold them off but now, now she had to succumb to the nightmares.

"_Come on detective, you really want to just take it like this? I'm sure all of your friends would love to hear about how you just took it, took it and liked it." He whispered _

_She couldn't fight back, she had, bruises covering every part of her body she could see or feel. However he was taunting her. She couldn't take it anymore so she lashed out with a foot and was pleased as she felt it connect with soft flesh. A cry of pain echoed around the room and for a moment his hands were off of her but nothing lasts forever. He grabbed her ankle and twisted it until there was a satisfying crack. _

_She closed her eyes to the pain as his hands resumed the exploration of her body, touching places. She blocked it from her mind, or tried to. She pictured herself with Alex, out for dinner or at a movie and then her mind flashed to court. She loved to watch Alex in court, she was so confident, so powerful, she loved it. _

Elliot watched as Olivia cried out in pain at unseen enemies, or enemy, and even though he wanted to help her he knew that he would only hurt her. He watched as Alex took her hand and stroked her hair softly, telling her that it would be okay and that she was safe. Suddenly Olivia's eyes snapped open and for a moment she looked like a wild horse, looking around her eyes wide and scared but her brown eyes met Alex's and she seemed to calm down.

Alex turned to look at him and he sighed, nodding "I'm sorry." He said "My house is turning into the sick bay, all three of my kids have the stomach bug. That and this case, I'm a little short on sleep."

"So am I." Alex replied shortly, turning back to Olivia, who was fighting off tears. She turned again to Elliot who pulled out his phone and walked out of the room.

Once he was gone Olivia turned to Alex, the tears shining in her eyes "I can't stop having them." She whispered "Every time I close my eyes his face is there, waiting for me. I'm terrified to sleep because I know I'll wake up with nightmares. I don't want to face him in person, not again. "

Alex nodded and looked into Olivia's eyes and reached out to wipe the tears from her face "They'll go away, you know that. Olivia, you are one of the strongest women I know, you tell your victims that going to trial are the best thing they can do. You know that it's true so help yourself, he cant hurt you ever again. You have friends and half of NYPD looking out for you and then there's me." She said with a smile

"You're not part of NYPD but you don't count yourself as my friend?" Olivia asked a small smile on her face.

"I like to think we're a little beyond friends." Alex said and laughed a she grabbed her hand, which Olivia held tightly and nodded.

* * *

Cragen walked into the squad room where he saw Munch sitting at his desk. He looked up at the captain and greeted him "Fin and Elliot are have a little two-on-one with Lent, trying to get him to confess to how Shield's contacted him. By the way, how is that son of a bitch?"

"He's unconscious for the time being" and at the questioning look he said "They didn't tell you? Olivia busted his head open with the lamp she threw at him, saving Alex's life in the process."

Munch nodded "I'm not surprised, Olivia's a tough girl."

Cragen nodded "However, I talked to the doctor and he said she's going to have to talk to a psychiatrist soon."

Munch laughed "She's going to love that."

"And, the grand jury needs to hear her statement and that's on Wednesday."

"Sounds like a fantastic week for Liv." He said and both men looked at the door as Elliot walked out.

"He cracked, Lent said that the whole thing was planned out. Shields, the son of a bitch, had every escape option planned out. It's really sick."

Cragen sighed "He's been planning this whole thing for months, years even."

Elliot nodded "I'll call Casey."

**Hey everyone! Thanks for all the reviews and votes, I wasn't surprised by the outcome and I hope you enjoyed it. At first I wasn't quite sure how to use to Olivia and Alex but I think I managed okay. Anyway, school starts tomorrow so this is the last of the chapter day era, as I said earlier it will be one or two chapters a week. **

**Please tell me what you want to happen, I have a rough outline but any and all suggestions will be taken under consideration! **

_**AllOverTheWorld**_


	7. Talking

"You know you have to talk to me if you want to get discharged right Olivia?" the psychologists voice is calm but there is the undertone of agitation and it is this Olivia picks up on.

Silence.

Loud sighs from both, frustrated parties "Olivia, I'm here to help you."

_Right, like the last thing I want to do is tell a __male__psychologist exactly how I was kidnapped, raped and beaten by a psychopath. _She thought and continued to stare anywhere but at the psychologist, refusing to believe that the hospital had sent a male psychologist to talk to a female rape victim.

Victim. She hated that word, she really did and that was mostly because it brought around the stark truth that she was in fact the victim.

"You're going to be in this hospital for a while if you refuse to talk to me."

She turns to look at him but before she can tell him anything the door opens and Casey walks in, she looks ever so slightly harassed "Excuse me doctor but I think that you have the wrong room."

Doctor Parker looks offended "I can assure you that I don't Ms…" he trails off unsure who Casey is exactly.

"Ms. Novak, I'm the prosecuting ADA for the Shields case." She fills in helpfully but she doesn't stop there "Dr. Parker, I know that you are a very capable psychologist and that in any other situation you would have no trouble talking to your patients but under the circumstances I think that it may benefit Olivia if she talks to a female psychologist." She says and stares pointedly at him, as if silently asking him why he didn't think of this sooner.

Dr. Parker turns a shade of red not far off from what Olivia would classify as 'fire truck' and she watches as he sputter and blusters his way out of the room. Once he's gone she lets out a sigh of relief and turns to Casey "Thank you, how'd you know to come?" she asked as the ADA walked into the room and makes herself comfortable in one of the chairs.

Casey laughed "Alex called me, she saw the doctor go in and was very worried about how you would take talking to a male about being" she hesitated before saying it "raped."

Olivia nodded, not completely ignoring the hesitation "You found the new room okay?" she asked. Due to the events with Shields she had been 'released' into the care of Alex but admitted under one of her alias', Hannah. Olivia had much protested this mostly because she thought that hiding from a man in intensive care (he tore his stitches from falling and has various cuts from the vase) was ridiculous. Not to mention the bullet hole in the wall added some character to an otherwise drab room.

Casey "Yea, it took me longer than I would have liked to persuade the nurse that I was who I said I was and not some sort of intruder." She laughed and was pleased to see Olivia smile.

"It's been the same for everybody else, except Alex, she would have gone room to room to look for me if they didn't tell her."

Just as she finished her sentence the door swung open and Alex walked in holding a plastic bag "Speak of the devil." Casey said and Alex smiled.

"Oh boy, glad to see that you were able to get rid of that doctor, thanks." She said and pulled out a BLT sandwich for Casey and a tuna fish one for herself.

"You two are cruel." Olivia commented as she looked longingly at the sandwiches. She was a liquids and soft foods diet for a couple weeks as the surgery on her abdomen had affected her eating.

Both ADA's grinned and then turned at the door opened for a second time in the last five minutes. In walked another Dr, or at least Olivia assumed that's who she was. She was about five foot ten with skin the color of caramel and hair as dark as the midnight sky. Her eyes were an emerald green and she wore a pleasant expression on her face, something Olivia had noticed that was different from Dr. Parker. He had been in his late forties with stark white hair and a bald patch the size of a softball on his head. He had seemed impatient, part of the reason Olivia hadn't said a word to him.

"Hi, I'm Dr. Devyn Keys and I was supposed to be your original psychologist but Dr. Parker, for some reason, insisted to speaking with you first."

"I'm Olivia." Olivia said, although she figured that Dr. Key already knew that.

"I'm Casey."

"And I'm Alex."

After Dr. Keys shook hands with all three ladies Alex turned to Casey "Would you like to go get some coffee?" Alex asked, although if she had her way she would be with Olivia, more for emotional support than any things (but then again Olivia would probably tell her to go).

Casey nodded and Olivia watched at the two ADA's left the room, Alex shooting her a smile and a look of encouragement as she closed the door.

Dr. Keys sat down in one of the recently vacated chairs and pulled out a notepad and a navy blue NYPD pen, Olivia couldn't help but smile "Did you normally choose the pen for a patient?"

Dr. Key's glanced down at the pen and laughed "No, this was completely coincidence. Anyway, how are you feeling?"

"They took me off the morphine so I'm not as groggy any more but I'm sore all over. Plus with this cast it makes things difficult, I can barely go to the bathroom by myself." Olivia explained, the agitation rising in her voice at the last part.

The doctor nodded "How about mentally and emotionally, how do you feel?"

"Fine." Olivia said a little too quickly

Dr. Key's looked at her "Olivia, I'm a psychologist. I'm not here to listen about how you are physically, it's more mentally and emotionally that I'm concerned about. I understand this is going to be difficult for you but I want to help you and more importantly I want you get you back on the job."

"Really?" Olivia said and she couldn't stop the surprise from entering her voice.

She laughed "Believe it or not I believe that stability is a huge part of getting better and moving past what has happened to you. Granted your life will never be the same but I want to help you make it as close as possible to that. Part of getting back to almost normal is by getting into what you used to do, most often it is a job."

Olivia nodded and taking this in mind she began to speak "I jump at shadows. Every time I close my eyes he's there, laughing at me, at how weak I am. I know that I'm safe and he can't hurt me but that doesn't stop the nightmares from coming at night."

"That's expected, do you have anyone you feel like you can trust?"

"Alex." She said instantly

"Your partner?"

"Yes, my girlfriend." Olivia said with a slight edge in her voice

If the news that Olivia had a girlfriend startled or even surprised the doctor she didn't show it which Olivia appreciated "That's good, having someone you trust the first step."

"When I first got here and after I got out of surgery she was there the whole time. She promised that she would never leave and then I woke up and she was gone. She had left at four am so she could get home and shower and change clothes just so I wouldn't be alone if I woke up."

"Except you did, how did you feel?"

"At first I just thought she had stepped out but then I noticed her bag was missing and I thought she was too embarrassed to be around me."

"Why?" Dr. Key's asked, her green eyes looking at the battered woman sitting across from her.

"I was embarrassed that I had allowed myself to get kidnapped and raped by Shields and I thought that everyone was judging me and thinking that I'm weak so I shut everybody out."

"I see, what made you change your mind?"

"Well the prosecutor, Casey, came and had to take my statement so I had no choice in that matter but then Alex came in and told me that she didn't care what happened to me, I had saved her life and she would never leave me, no matter what." Olivia said proudly

The doctor smiled "So now you know people are on your side and don't think you're weak."

Olivia nodded.

They continued talking for another forty five minutes and by the end of it Olivia was fending off tears that were threatening to over flow. Dr. Keys had made her tell explain what she had been thinking when Shields was raping her and it was all Olivia could do to not cry "You did really well Olivia." Dr. Keys said softly, wincing as Olivia jumped at the sudden noise "I'll tell the nurse you're free to go home but you and I well meet again on Friday."

Olivia could only nod. The news she was going home should have pleased her but right now she could hear her screams echoing around the warehouse and his laughing make her skin crawl. The Dr. walked out leaving Olivia alone with her thoughts until Casey and Alex returned.

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**Hey! So I've had my first few days of school and I'm loving all of my classes! Anyway here is the next chapter, I hope you enjoy. I will probably end up doing shorter chapters with around 1500 words each but more frequently. Anyway…thoughts/suggestions about what you would like to see? **

**PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE review, everyone makes my day and they inspire me to write the next chapter! **

_**AllOverTheWorld**_


	8. Can't Handle It

**WARNING: Contains mentions of suicide**

Life is naught but a journey in which each of us are our own hero's and our own villains. There are no time outs and no redo's but there is a place to which one could retreat to. Darkness. Darkness can be a valuable place for someone who wants to hide from the past, the present or the future. It can be a place to lick one's wounds, contemplate one's past actions or, perhaps most importantly, a place of solitude where walls can be rebuilt and you can prepare for the next fight.

It is the last two that are perhaps the most important to the dark haired woman sitting on the floor of her kitchen, holding the shining silver blade between her hands. She stares at the spots where the light from the street lamps catch the edge of the blade, losing herself in the dots of orange glow. This was not the first time she had contemplated taking her own life and she doubted it would be her last. Some nights she wanted to welcome the pain of the blade slicing her skin and others she would look at it, repulsed. Tonight was not one of those nights.

She couldn't stop the tears from pricking her eyes and the tracks they made stained her already puffy face. Her eyes were red rimmed and swollen from hours of crying and honestly she didn't care. The only thing that mattered was the blade in her hand. She placed it lightly on her wrist and tried to muster the courage to let the blade kiss her skin but couldn't. Her eyes shifted from the blade to the gun sitting on the floor next to her.

She had shot that gun so many times she lost count. Whenever there had been a particularly long case she would go to the range and shoot a couple rounds. Other times she had taken out a perp with and in a few occasions it had saved her life. Now, as she picked it up, it would be almost easy to pull the trigger and let the bullet take her away. It would take her to a land of darkness she was sure but this one would be free of Shields touch and the memories he had forever instilled in her.

She put the gun to her temple and let the feeling of the cool barrel sweep her away. She tried to fight the memories that were waiting behind a crumbling wall but couldn't, she wasn't strong enough. He had dragged her out of the apartment with the gun pressed into her neck. He had whispered things into her hear, things that made her want to kill him but she was helpless.

Olivia was so absorbed in her own horrors she didn't hear the door open or the hurried footsteps as Alex realized something was wrong. The crashing of the groceries to the floor dragged Olivia out of her own reverie and she looked up to see Alex standing in the door way observing the scene in front of her. Olivia looked up at her, tears shining in her eyes "I can't do it anymore." She said and her finger moved slowly towards the trigger.

Alex moved so quickly Olivia didn't have a chance to figure out what was going and as she squeezed down on what was supposed to be the trigger she was met with Alex's cool hand. She turned her head to look into Alex's blue eyes which were sparkling with tears "I could never let you hurt yourself." She said and her voice barely above a whisper.

" I don't want to be here anymore. I don't want to jump at shadows or flinch when you try and hold me." She moaned, leaning into Alex's chest, the tears falling down her face without hesitation..

For a moment Alex didn't know what to say and then she realized right now she couldn't say anything, in fact the best thing would just to let Olivia know she was there for her. With one hand holding Olivia to her she used her other hand to take apart the gun so that in any desperate attempts Olivia might pull later could be foiled. (Her father had taught her how to shoot and disable a gun when she was thirteen)

Hours later when Olivia's breathing had steadied Alex shifted slightly and lifted Olivia into her arms so she could carry her into the bedroom. She adjusted the blankets around Olivia and left the lights on so if she woke up she wouldn't freak out and headed out into the kitchen. She looked at the knife and more tears sprung to her eyes at the though of all the things Olivia could have done with it.

Sighing she gathered the knife and gun parts into her arms and set it down on the counter while she grabbed the groceries she had went out to get and put them away. After that she took a deep breath and let it out, her mind was still whizzing from what she had just prevented. With a shaking hand she grabbed her cell phone and speed dialed Elliot.

"Hello?" he mumbled

"Elliot." She breathed "I'm sorry for calling so late I just-" she broke off and then started again "Olivia was discharged from the hospital today and I went out to get some groceries. So I left her alone for half an hour and when I come back she's sitting on the floor of her kitchen with a gun to her head. I barely stopped her Elliot." She gushed

"What? You left her alone, Alex how could you?" he said before he could stop himself then quickly recanted "I'm sorry Alex. Where is she now?"

"Asleep. It took her a couple of hours to calm down but she finally asleep, how long it lasts I don't know."

"Get some rest." He encouraged "But tomorrow call the psychiatrist and get an appointment booked for Liv because she won't do it on her own. They might admit her to the hospital but for the sake of the case they probably wont, lets keep this between us."

"Okay, thanks Elliot." She said before she hung up she said "See you in court."

Olivia walked out of the court room trembling and ignoring the looks from Shields' friends she strode out into the hallway trying to regain control. Court hadn't been as bad as she had anticipated:

"_Detective Benson" Casey started slowly "Can you please tell the court what Kevin Shields did to you?" she said trying to make eye contact but realizing that Olivia was keeping eye contact with only Alex. _

"_Yeah, He kidnapped me at gunpoint an…"_

From there Olivia had managed to breakdown only once but now she was done with it, she would only have to do it once more, in front of Shields. She turned at the sound of approaching footsteps and was instantly embraced in Alex's arms. She didn't resist and instead she just relaxed into allowing the tears to fall down.

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**Wow. Okay so that was a disaster chapter. I had really hard time doing this so why don't we make it better by telling me what you want to see next. REVEIWS please! I'm stuck and I really want to keep doing this story but I'm having writers block. **

**AllOverTheWorld **


	9. Chapter 9: Authors Note

**Dear Readers, **

**First off I must apologize to you if you thought that this was an update, clearly it is not. Secondly, I must thank each and every one of you who reviewed my story, added it to your alerts or just plain read them. I do not think you know how much each and every one of you made my day. Thirdly, and most importantly, I must explain to you why I am writing this authors note. Due to some problems in my real life I must take a break from updating and writing my stories. I am not sure how long this hiatus will be, but **_**please **_**know that whenever I am able to update again, I will. **

**Thanks again and TTFN, **

**AllOverTheWorld **


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